Behind the Scenes

I think there are two dangers in blogging, or sharing through any form of social media really.  I think there's the danger of publicly declaring every emotion that pulls at your heart.  I'm bored.   I'm upset.  I'm frustrated.  I'm angry.  I'm hurt.  Etc.  And there's also the danger of portraying your life as some magical, struggle-free utopia.  How much do you share?  How much do you withhold?  I think these are personal questions with individual answers.  I generally have three rules.

1.  I don't share about negative stuff at work.  That's just stupid in my opinion.  (I also used to work in employment law which I think helps me stay smart about this).  Basically, if my boss couldn't read it, I won't post it.

2.  I won't post a picture of a minor without their parents knowing about it.  Again, just smart legally.

3.  I don't post about family issues.  If I share something about Nick and I, it's with his full knowledge and consent.  And I stay the heck away from extended family stuff!

That all being said, sometimes there's stuff going on at work or with family that is hard.  Sometimes I get really sad, or hurt, or angry with what goes on "behind the scenes".  My heart is feeling a little bit like that lately.  Like the weight of the world and the weight of decisions that people make press in and colour my day to day.  Sometimes I feel just so dog-gone sad.  Sad as I watch people make destructive decisions.  Sad as I watch people hurt other people.  Sad as I get hurt.  And I won't share it on here as I won't break my three rules.  But sometimes it just needs to be said.  Because sometimes others just need to know they're not alone in their own personal situations.  And sometimes, it's good to hear someone say, "Not everything is so perfect", because it's a good reminder that we're not alone in whatever it is we're going through.

I have one encouragement for anyone going through their own personal struggles.  Don't let it own you.  I've listened to more than one person in this last year say, "Oh I can't do xyz, because there's just too much going on here or there."  And yes, I think there's a place to step back sometimes and deal with whatever is going on, on the home front or where ever else.  But at the same time, when I hear statements like that, I look inside and ask myself, "Laura, are you letting your sadness steal away the joy from living?  Are you letting it win?"  

I don't have all the answers.  I don't know where the balance perfectly lies between giving yourself time to mourn something and shoving it to the back of your mind and ignoring it.  I won't even tell you I'm working it out day by day, because I'm not.  I'm working it out moment by moment.  How do I let my heart grieve something genuinely, but also enjoy life to the fullest?  I don't know.  Today I was sad.  I've been sad a lot lately.  But today, I also went on a berry-picking adventure.  I basked in the sun, and walked through the fields hand-in-hand with my love.  I let my fingers get stained red and savoured the best berries instead of putting them into the bucket.  Today I bought a new fish to replace Bacon (who jumped to his death again and succeeded this time).  Today I made raspberry custard pies from scratch (including the crusts) and opened the doors and windows wide to let Summer in.  Today I was sad.  But today I also lived.